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Wise words: For a Broken Heart

A friend of mine has had a rough time with her love life of late so here are some wise words for her and anyone else out there suffering a broken heart…

“Head up, Stay strong, Fake a smile and Move on”  Always remember that success is the best revenge!

Head up

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Dating tales: The Lost Soul – an oldie but a goodie!

Back by popular request here’s a classic dating tale for you; The Lost Soul

“Well for quite a number of years now I have been compiling my tales of a single girl and after leaving a multitude of friends in stitches with my after dinner stories of dating disasters it’s about time they were published…

So here’s the first anecdote for you and I really wish it was fiction…I like to refer to him as the Lost Soul

His profile looked great on paper…works in technology; enjoys the great outdoors; enters triathlons; likes to travel; no kids or ex-wife; looked quite handsome too.  We chatted online before speaking on the phone and we seemed to get on well so we arranged to meet for a drink which was when it all went wrong!

We were supposed to meet at 7pm at a local pub chosen because it was on a major main road so easy to find and in fact only a straight road from the motorway junction he’d be coming from. 

At 7.05pm I received a message from him saying he was lost near a shopping centre and after asking if he had passed a supermarket he couldn’t remember.  We finally deduced he hadn’t driven far enough down the straight road so told him he was a 5 minute drive away.

I decided to head inside and nip to the toilet whilst waiting.  15 minutes later he phoned again to say he was lost and didn’t know where he was but was near a supermarket and a large church.  I asked for road names or signs but he wasn’t sure saying he’d park up to have a look then he’d call me back.

Decided to order a drink while I waited for his call; another 20 minutes passed so I texted him and he then phoned to say he had been given directions by a Imagepedestrian but had got lost again!  I asked him why he didn’t just bring up google maps on his phone for him to reply saying he didn’t own a smart phone.  How many people who work in technology do you know who don’t have smart phones?

I then figured out where he was and gave him directions again he was approx 5 minutes away if you were to walk the  distance rather than drive so I waited.  I waited for another 15 minutes and still no sign of him so decided to leave as it was now 8pm.  As I was pulling on my coat he phoned to say he was walking through the doorway here at last!

He apologised profusely and offered to get the drinks in so thought I’d give him a chance.  He explained that as he had had a long journey he needed to nip to the toilet first before proceeding to wander aimlessly around looking for the toilets despite the 3 large signs with arrows in prominent positions.  Is it bad that I couldn’t help laughing?  Mr Bean does a first date!Image

Anyway then I felt sorry for him as he told me all about a woman who he’d met in a country pub in middle of nowhere (he couldn’t remember the name of the town) and said she got a text message  during their date.  There was an emergency at home and she had to go however he was to wait right there as she’d be back.  She never did return and as he retold this tale his eyes filled up, his bottom lip wobbled and so I felt like I had to stay longer than I’d planned.

I asked him how someone who works in technology doesn’t have a smart phone or satellite navigation system.  He then explained he worked in the technical department at a large department store and when I mentioned him being a gadget nerd – an expert on computers and HD televisions. He said they were too advanced and that he sold small appliances; he knew everything there was to know about toasters and microwaves.”

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles‘s portfolio is: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2664

Second image by Arvind Balaraman‘s portfolio is:http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1058

Third image by photostock‘s portfolio is:http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125

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Wise words: It doesn’t matter who hurt you…

…  or broke you down, what matters is who made you smile again.

It doesn't matter

Love this motto!  Remember to always cherish your friends even if you think you have met “the one” as you never know what life will bring and good friends/family will always be there for you so don’t take them for granted – ever!

If the person that made you smile again was yourself then fantastic!

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Single Girls Guide to Dating: Online Dating Men Translated

I got chatting to a friend of mine the other day who said I should re-post some of her favourite blog posts so my new readers can enjoy them without having to scroll too much so here’s one below that proved to be popular and got lots of laughs…

“Okay I apologise to my best friend as I’m about to get all cynical again but in honour of those single friends who have successfully survived another round of first dates here goes… The Single Girls Guide to Online Dating: Men translated

Attractive = plain

Everyone in online dating classes themselves as ‘attractive.’ In the real world it means has two eyes, two ears and a mouth.  He’s highlighting that people don’t cross the road to avoid him, kids don’t run away screaming and dogs don’t bark when he walks passed.

Fairly Attractive = hideous.

When he’s not even claiming to be attractive, it’s time to worry. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Brad Pitt next to this guy. Meeting under the cover of darkness is advised.

Rugby Player’s Build = used to play rugby at school 20 years ago. Stop thinking Jonny Wilkinson and start thinking Johnny Vegas.

I’m a Modern Man = We will be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week and so unless you’re a sure thing you will pay for your own dinner.

Not just looking for sex = I am just looking for sex but hope you won’t see through my cunning reverse psychology.

Willing to Travel = Either lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can’t possibly let you see or he’s married and can’t risk anyone he knows seeing him out on a date with you.

Adventurous = A pervert. He can turn anything into a double entendre. When you say you’re not interested he’ll reply saying things like “just getting into bed now wish you were here!”

Normal guy = Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point.

Good Sense of Humour = No sense of humour. Anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one.

Earns a Six-Figure Salary = Yes, he does but he includes pence in that figure.

Never done this before = Have done this a thousand times before, but I’m too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you’re my first.

Looks not important = So desperate he will date anyone think either scraping the barrel or sex addict

I’m sporty = I watched the Olympics and I watch the footie every weekend in the pub with my mates

Unique = Hermaphrodite

Not into lengthy messaging = I need to secure a date as soon as possible, before you suss out what a tedious dullard I am or that I can’t string a sentence together.

Old Fashioned = Male chauvinist pig. A woman’s place is in the home and, more precisely, the kitchen – preferably cooking his meals and scrubbing his dirty undies.

Traditional = Patronising

Manly = Hairy. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture.  Suggest you opt for a dog or cat instead as at least if they get annoying you won’t be arrested for having them put down.

Real man = Huge & Hairy.  Could make money from taking photos of him on hiking trips – have you seen the Yeti?

Distinguished = Old. Speak slowly and clearly. The good news is he travels for free, gets in for half-price at the cinema and gets cheaper car insurance.

Unconventional = Clinically Insane. The type of person you cross the road to avoid, even if the road is the M60 in rush hour.

Aspirational = Broke. He has lofty ideas, but not a penny to his name. Expect early-bird specials on your date.

Romantic = Oily creep. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you ‘babe’ or ‘sweetheart’ because he can’t remember your name as he dates so many girls at once.”

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Wise words: We don’t meet people by accident

For all those girls and boys who ask themselves why… Why do I always meet idiots on dates?  Why did my last boyfriend turn into such a b*stard?  Well I believe it is all for a reason so you learn and move forward…

We don't meet people by accident

 

Stay positive folks! 🙂

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Wise words: Love a bad man…

Bad man

 

Unfortunately for me it was more than twice but now I’m in love with a very good one and extremely thankful!

Stay tuned daters and I’ll tell you  all soon xxx

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Play with my hair not with my heart…

Play with my hair not my heart

Love this!  I want a man to play with my hair and not with my heart thank you! 🙂

Oh and btw I’d also like Jennifer Aniston’s hair too – not much to ask is it?